Infected

So it turns out that I am still infected with thoughts of the past. They sneak up on me too. Once I realize I am thinking about the past I try to focus on something else. Primarily trigger squeeze for shooting targets. No the target is not from my past but paper or clays I shoot at the range. I focus on the sighting and then the squeeze. I realize I do the same thing in therapy too.

In the first scenario it helps get my mind off of the thoughts I am having at that moment. It lasts for as long as I'm thinking about shooting. Then I am reset to whats at hand, which is usually driving. I don't focus to the point of distraction from the primary task. But it gets the thoughts out of the way.

For the second scenario I don't know why I do it exactly. Its probably to take me to a comfort zone. I'm not exactly comfortable in my sessions. But thats going to change as of now. It doesn't help that I am not all there all of the time.

If you could would you erase parts of your memory?

I'm on the fence about it. On the one hand I am all for it. The pain wouldn't be there to bother me. On the other I m not. No pain mo gain. Everything that happens to me is a part of me and helps me grow in life.