Love on my level.

I need someone that can love on my level. Let me explain...

I need someone who can love me with the same intensity, more or less, as me. See when I love, I love with all my heart, body, mind and soul. I don't want to say I deserve more or that I can do better because I still love my exes just not as much. For example I would have done anything for them. Now I would but not as much as I would have.

I guess my love scares people off. Like I expect them to love me like I do them. For them to love me with all their being. I don't really expect that. As long as the love is there and it grows. I don't want this to change in me.

Lots on my mind

I'm having a horrible time today. Money relationships and the what nots I got to get focused.

Headache

Yup I have one and it sucks.

Clubbing cont

Ok so I am done for tonight and I got really upset. I don't know exactly why I got upset but I wanted to stab someone. I was standing there and they were having a bacheloette and birthday boodie dance off. The announcer person was on the mic and was encouraging the audience and the dancers. Thats about the time I started to get pissed off. The announcer was being loud and the speakers were in my ear with them being loud it sounded as if the speakers were blown. But all that was in my ear. The wait staff were trying to stuff drinks down my gullet and annoying the HELL out of me.

I may continue this later I don't really know.

Clubbing

Yea so as I type this I am in a club with loud music and louder people. Being a not so social butterfly its very awkward being here. (My brother is dragging me to them so I'm stuck.)

To make things worse he is forcing me to drink. Well sorta... He is buying and what not so I get sucky shots and he's getting the good shit for himself. I guess I'll update ya'll later.

My future is mine.

Today while being a television zombie I watched Scrubs. It happened to be the last two shows ever. It was a very moving last two episodes. I wish I could watch the season in in its entirety. I'll search for it! Ok where are the tracks? Oh there they are!

Well while watching the last episode J.D. is very concerned about his future, as I am sometimes. He tries to figure out; where he will be, how tight his friend and he were going to be, where his relationship with his girlfriend was going to end up. (I think that was a proper use of a semicolon!!!! Yay me!) While dealing with this he had a patient who had a degenerative brain disease in which she will die. She had a son in which could have the same thing and J.D. implores him to get a test to see if he has it too.

The son does not opt for the test. When J.D. asks why the son replies that he wants to be in control of his life and knowing your going to have this disease he couldn't. I guess you'll have to watch the show. Its way better!

At the end J.D. realizes that he can control his future and make things happen and that whatever happens he'll be ok. That hit home to me. It made me realize that I am in control and that I can have a future. Ok I don't think I am making sense. I should have written this when it was fresh in my head and not eight and a half hours later.... Well that is all I got for today.

I guess I can put what I am listening to here too.

311 radio on Pandora may change to Incubus or big band radio...

Question Wednesday

Today I steal a friends question am answer theme. I guess I need to advertise more I have this one to answer yes its late but today is still a day till I go to sleep... So HA!

What is your favourite book or series? -- Chelsea

Well my favorite book would have to be two books. They are Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell and When a Bullet Hits Your Funny Bone by Billy Allmon. They are very moving and humorous. Marcus' book is a true story about a SEAL operation that he was on and how he became the only one to come out alive. Billy's book is more humorous but keeps the seriousness of the life of an United States Navy SEAL.

What I like about Marcus' book is that people put their lives on the line not for their personal gains but for the person next to them for people they never met and more for the country. I want to be more like that. I don't feel as if I'm on this earth to be all about me. I want to give back to the community and the country. That is part of the complex reasoning I want to become a doctor. I feel I can give back and help many others by becoming one. In Billy's book its the same thing.

Only in Billy's book I took from it that life is short and I need to get moving no matter what is thrown up in my way. It gave me the motivation to keep up what I am doing. To forge ahead on spite of what the VA tells me. It'll be tough but I'll be tougher, I'll warrior on to get where I want to be.

I tend to read fictional/real war stories those, however, are not really series or fantasy reading. For that I like the Harry Potter books. That is fun stuff to read! I picked up Sorcerer's Stone in like the ninth grade. Yeah a little late but at least I picked it up. Before that I hadn't read anything that I wasn't required to read. I guess it brought to my attention that hey reading is fun! Yeah it did that for me. Who, other than the very few, like reading required material for school? I didn't... That series of books passed many hours in a fantastic land of infinite possibilities. So from there I read many books.

Now next month will be filled with textbooks! Yay! But I kinda like whats coming up for classes. So I should be good! Well that is all for me tonight. Have a good night.