Yup I'm usually here when I'm sad but I don't know what I feel today. I feel ok most of the time but thoughts of suicide flash through my head like a bolt of lightning. I know I'll never act on those thoughts though. (Lots of th words today.) Also I guess I'll try to write one here once a week. Or more. Maybe less. I don't know.
I think I turned a corner the other day. I remembered a story about my x and I smiled. See I would have thoughts triggered by a place or thing and my first thought would be sad. The other day I was in the bathroom after a shower standing there brushing my hair and a trigger triggered a memory about a brush. Yeah random but this is my story Damn it! Anyway the brush is currently missing. The story goes a bit like this...
When we first started dating we would stay at hotels to get away in our small city. Well after a stay at one of the hotels she had forgotten to pack a brush for her hair and she was kinda in a panic. So we were at the car and i had to check out still so I ran back in to check out.
At this hotel they had a small "oh I forgotten something at home" area. So I ran (ok more like walked) in there to find a brush. I grabbed the brush and purchased it on the spot.When I got the car I handed her the brush and she was so grateful.
I like to think that I would do anything for the one I love no matter what. (With exceptions like killing xes.) I hope I have not changed because of this break up or the way the relationship went.
The end....
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