It's in my head.

There is a caveat to this. Wrote this yesterday then I lost the balls to post it. I'm an glad that I asked her though.

Ok lets see if I can write this. I've been thinking about this for a good day. Well not the whole day but when I get a chance to think. It didn't really start today either but from last year. But it picked up the past couple days. Ok one more line then I'll get to it very vaguely.

Should I take the plunge and see if something could work out or should I wait until life gets a little better/calmer. Or until the distance (physical) shrinks.

You know what? Vague is not going to work. So here it is. It's the age old dilemma. Boy meets girl (or vise versa) and they are friends. Then boy or girl thinks there could be more. Meanwhile the thinking party doesn't know if the feelings are mutual and doesn't want the friendship to collapse. So the thinker agonies over it. Well maybe not agonies but you get the point. Or regrets not saying anything.

Now I do believe, now that I've matured a little, that friendships of the opposite sex are possible. Saying that it has to be clear to both parties that there is more or less. It also may need to be stated more than once. (Someone might forget.)

I've done this before in high school. I had a crush on female friend and wanted more. (It might have been lust at the time.) However,I didn't know if the feelings were mutual. So in my guy smartness I didn't do anything about it. Oh and she was the first girl I have ever gotten to know outside of school that wasn't together with my brother.

Do I regret not saying anything? Not really. I have many regrets from that time. One is not being confident enough. I still have problems with that to this day. 

I don't know what to do with this one. Part of me wants to find out of there could be more. The other just likes it where it is. Then there is the distance thing. It sucks greatly. I've done that with my first relationship. I'd admit we weren't the strongest couple. However, it didn't work out at all. I was half way around the world when I was dumped. That's not cool. I couldn't show emotion either because I was in a Cinnabon on a marine base. Fun times. I've digressed.

Why am I comparing what I'm doing now to what I've done in the past. Yes granted I need to remember what has happened so it doesn't happen again. But I've matured greatly as a person from then to now. I guess I'll bring up the topic tomorrow. Wish me luck.